U.S. Not Leaving Afghanistan, Just ‘Wants to See Other People for Awhile’
By Barry Husein • Oct 7th, 2009 • Category: Presidential Daily Brief
By Barry Hussein, KABUL – U.S.A. America defense minister Robert Gates brushed off rapid fire interrogation from town criers gathered at Denny’s yesterday, as they (the criers) demanded to know if the United States (U.S.A America) was leaving Afghanistan as rumored on the street.
“Oh no you guys,” Gates said, “we just want to see other people for awhile.”
Gates, and U.S.A. America United States et al have been in an 8 year relationship with mountainous Afghanistan.
“At the start the relationship was exciting, like a sort of conquest,” explained Secretary of State Hillary ‘Hot’ Rodham Clinton, rummaging through a pack of Pringles sour cream and onion potato chips. “But in any lasting relationship one partner can’t remain on top forever – it gets stale,” she went on.
“How are those chips?” a crier asked.
“Not bad,” answered Ms Clinton.
Speculation as to the real reasons behind the current shying away from Afghanistan by the U.S. was rife at table 7A, where a family of four were wolfing down towering stacks of pancakes and homefries. I crawled under their table for a listen.
DAD: Well Jimmy, you’re old enough to think about politics now, whadduh you think the president thinks we oughtta get out and play the field for a while?
JIMMY: Essentially, I think what President Obama and others on his staff are thinking is that they-”
DAD: Right – they want to try other sizes, which is natural, nothing wrong with that.”
MOM: They met someone in a bar, someone exciting.
SIS: They’re hamstrung by a mixture of guilt, fear and ennui.
ALL: Shuuuut uppppp!!!
Nevertheless officials in the highest ranks of the government are denying that the U.S. is dumping Afghanistan.
“I called Afghanistan just last night and its cool with you know, just not taking things so seriously for a while while the president (Obama) thinks things over about you know, where he wants the relationship to go,” Mr Gates ejaculated.
Or did he?
Barry Husein is Barry Hussein is Chief Political Affairs Columnist for The Brutal Times. His widely-read comments on the Global War On Terror have attracted both praise and derision from his colleagues in the international media.
On one hand, with both his parents and his best friend`s best friend in al Queda, many have lambasted Hussein`s articles as propaganda. Yet the fact that he was fired from al Jazeera for playing AC-DC's "Honey What Do You Do For Money?" seems to have also won him many supporters.
One thing both Mr Hussein's enemies and friends agree on is that when it comes to getting the inside story, Hussein delivers.
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