the brutal times

By Smia Oots, Brooklyn, WILLIAMSBURG – Four-eyed sneering running-shoe-wearing tattoo-show-offing white-skin-cladding Williamsburg hipsters have bitten onto to something and they just can’t let go!

Irony apparel is a smash hit in Williamsburg.

On my way out of the metro I bumped into 39-year-old Cassius Tam, who writes for Vice Magazine, Brooklyn’s foremost arbiter of taste. He was wearing a Bush-Cheney 2004 t-shirt.

Surely you don’t mean..?

“Oh no no old chap, I was being ironic when I bought this,” Mr Tam explained, fingering said shirt.

Oh.

Slowly squirting a much-need spurt of love-juice into the once sluggish global economy, witty young and not-so-young wunderkinds are stepping up to the fashion plate to hit ironic homeruns right into our eyes.

“Neck & Penis released a whole line of tightly-fitted ribbed neck and penis attire featuring Michael Jackson, Henry Kissinger, and Thom Yorke,” confirmed Ray Goolens, 56, a shopper.

And then, at the local butcher’s apartment I met Zoey Haff. She was wearing a big pink button that said “Fuck You”.

I was damned if I was gonna let that one pass.

“Whu’d I ever do to you, huh?” I demanded. “What’s your prob?” I went on.

“I’m be-ing i-ron-ic,” Ms Haff, 22, explained indulgingly.

And then suddenly out on the street again a group of hundreds swarmed me, pushing, screaming, pinching – all demanding my attention for their ironic fashion proclamations.

“I like Journey!” shrieked one 18-year-old girl, dressed as Sid Vicious.

“Rush Limbaugh is Cool!” bragged a chap who badly needed a bath.

“These Colors Don’t Run!” screamed the sweatshirt of another lad with Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses and arms no thicker than twigs.

You don’t…?

“No!!!” came the thunderous reply.

Or did it?

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