the brutal times

By Blanche Jillbaine, Special To The Brutal Times – My co-worker is a noisy eater. Did you ever have a noisy eater as a co-worker? I’ll bet you did! Even though now I’m away from my cube during winter vacation for the Baby Jesus, I’m plagued by memories, images, of the co-worker.

The co-worker (I don’t keep track of names, sorry) had sat next to me. The desk was situated aside mine. Even then it was before lunch hours, but said co-worker opened his satchel to reveal assorted verboten snacks.

By Louise, Special to The Brutal Times, WYOMING – I left my iron on. I left it plugged in after ironing my husband Ray’s shirts and pants last night. Now I’m worried it’s caught on fire and that the flames have spread to the curtains.

Special to the Brutal Times, By Tamara – Books are so boring. Don’t get me wrong – I love books. I grew up around books all my life.

But every time I look at a book it just puts me to sleep.

By DJ Salinger, TORONTO – Charismatic wall of spunk Canadian Prime Minister Cock Blocker is preparing Team Blocker to deal with Madonna over her rumored plans to adopt a Canadian before summer’s end.

“Le priminister du Canada, Monseiur Cocque Blocquer will not permit such a thing to happen without much money flowing into his secret pants pocket,” insisted Remy LeFontaine, 12.

By Connie Roe, Special to the Brutal Times, BUFFALO – Hey Brutal Times, I was wondering. You got that Chef Otto, right? Could you ask him what Joaquin Phoenix is eating these days?

Boy, I think that guy has problems! He’s gotta be eating something downright strange. That would account for his wacky behavior on all those shows.

By Yana, (Special to The Brutal Times) SANTA MONICA – I don’t know about you, but in my social circle all the huffing and puffing around Oprah Winfrey’s boobs has consumed most of my winter holiday. People just could not – I mean could not leave Oprah’s boobs alone.

Ooh I hate my fucking computer! I know it’s bad to swear and in the Christmas season because of the Baby Jesus etc but OMG if my computer was a person I’d drag it outside by its pubes and beat it in the street.