the brutal times

By El Toro, WASHINGTON – As Barack Obama America’s first president gears up to give all Americans universal health care, folks are leaning back in their chairs and on the couch to consider the results of a prestigious 60 year study that proves what most of us already knew:

Old people live longer.

“Old people, live longer than young people, ” said Tim Barnes, an unpaid intern at MyGoodies, a multi-billi0n-gazillion dollar tentacles around the world.

By El Toro, NEW YORK CITY – As six former US presidents sat down for a delicious lunch with President George W Bush and president-elect Barack Obama every face at the table beamed with bi-partisan glee.

By El Toro, Democracy City, NORTH KOREA – What is it with North Korea? They’re like everybody’s little brother – always clamoring for attention at the worst possible moment. After threatening the good old USA with missiles and plans to build nuclear bombs the tiny island nation ruled by charismatic Kim Jong-Il slipped out of the news for the last few months, giving us all a chance to focus on digesting the fascinating global economic crisis.

By El Toro, HONOLULU – Call it a case of daring spontaneity brought on by the soothing sand and sun and sea of a sensational luxury post-election breather. Several stalwart Barack Obama supporters were mildly amused by reports coming out of Honolulu this morning that Mr Obama had met privately at his tasteful beach villa with President Bush and several of his friends.

By El Toro, OHIO – As memory of the three most boring presidential debates in history (excepting 1976’s Jimmy Carter vs himself) fade and pool in globs of earthy muck, word has surfaced through leaked campaign memos that both candidates may have acted to censor touchy hot-button topics.
“Neither candidate wanted to touch the rain forest [...]

TOKYO (Shibuya) Fri. Apr. 18/Tower Records 9th Floor English Books Section 8:42pm -
The Brutal Times is standing reading a Charles Bukowski novel.
A fucker comes up.
“You…liiike it?!?”
Big eyes. Big face. Free English.
“I don’t know yet.”
“He’s…a bad writer…”
“Um. See you later.”
Angry now.
“It’s just…paper!”
Slurks into a hole and disappears.
It was raining outside.
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TOKYO (Japan) – Eileen Fuchenzie couldn’t wait to come to Japan. The 22 year-old Canadian philosophy major at York University spent months packing and re-packing die-hard Canadian staples like Kraft Dinner macaroni and cheese, ampules of maple syrup, and her treasured first edition of shock rocker Avril Lavigne’s tell-all memoir “Who Do I Think I [...]