Author Archive

My Pony Tail is Killing Me

By admin • Jun 28th, 2010 • Category: Featured Brutality

By Zack Peters, Special To The Brutal Times – As a long-haired white man I face a lot of discrimination, both in the workplace and from folks on the bus and in my own home.



Yale University Job Interview Spoilers

By admin • Jun 19th, 2010 • Category: Latest Brutality

By Business Jesus, SUMMER – Yes, summer’s here and the time is right for humpin’ and thumpin’ on a Friday nite. But what about that job thingy? That one you was supposed to get, you know, to keep up your membership in the Skull & Bones social club, and so on?

Well think no more, young Yalie!



North Korea Accused of Snubbing South at Trendy Cafe

By admin • Jun 2nd, 2010 • Category: Presidential Daily Brief

By Styles Cradgerock, SEOUL – People’ve got a tear in their beer over here as former buddies North and South Korea have ceased speaking, emailing , or chatting online.
Oh no.
Hot sweaty tensions were ratched up and ramped up Tuesday when the North, wearing only a thong and a backpack, pretended not to know the South, when they passed [...]



My Sister’s Too Pushy

By admin • Apr 24th, 2010 • Category: Latest Brutality

Special to the Brutal Times, By Pam Haley – My sister’s too pushy. Boy, when she wants something, she’s the first one to tell ya. Like the other day, she calls me up on my mobular telephone and without even asking me how my day’s going or asking me about my probs, she’s asking if I can come over and feed her kid and talk to her husband about his impotence again.



Iraq Parliamentary Election Spoilers

By admin • Mar 8th, 2010 • Category: Presidential Daily Brief

By Barry Hussein, BAGHDAD – As you find yourself spent from the Olympics and the Academy Awards you’re probably gonna wanna bone up on the key players in this weeks’ exciting Iraqi parliamentary elections. We at the Brutal Times care about your street cred and status as “that cool kid” on your block. So, for all the piping hot spoilers about this years Democartic vote that time fergot, see below, Joe.



Nobel Peace Prize Spoiler: And the Winner is…Roland Emmerich!

By admin • Jan 24th, 2010 • Category: Latest Brutality

By Santa, THE HAGUE – Rudolf told me the other day who’s gonna get the Nobel Peace Prize this year in 2010. Both Donner and Blitzen had pestered Rudolf about this for weeks but he refused them and came to me, Santa, properly maintaining protocol.

Oh,you already know who the winner’s gonna be because the editor of the Brutal Times spoiled it by putting it in the headline?



Girl ’still has feelings for’ Ex

By admin • Jan 16th, 2010 • Category: Latest Brutality

By Mary-Lou Jasp, Special to the Brutal Times, NEW YORK CITY – Usually when I break up with somebody I’m already seeing someone else. Like when I broke up with Brad I was already seeing his friend Jesse, but I’d been so busy I didn’t get to tell him ’til later.

But last week when I broke up with Caro, my BF for the last 2 months, I totally forgot that I did’nt have a new BF yet! Lucky for me I could go online and chat with my online friends. And I could listen to Nickleback and Coldplay, my fave bands.