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Monthly Archives: February 2009
Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor
By Ohashi Jozu, Roppongi, TOKYO – As you know many foreigners had come to Tokyo. The purpose of this travel is well-known – it is to sex Japanese female. Every year so many foreign man came to Tokyo with all-night backpack seeking to enjoy such activity.
But no more.
1979 Commission Rules ‘Punk’s not Dead’
By DJ Salinger, WASHINGTON – Music fans around the globe are rejoicing in news that one of rock’s most treasured genres – that of “punk rock” has been officially declared “very much alive” by a bi-partisan Congressional Commission which had been studying the issue on weekends since 1983.
I Need my Coffee
By Deborah Haines, Special to The Brutal Times, BALTIMORE – I need my coffee. It’s so hard to focus on all the data that I have to punch into PC at the office (I’m a data entry professional). The first thing I do when I get into the office at 8:13am every morning is uncork my jumbo Starbucks tumbler (I call him Iron Man) and pour myself out a healthy dollop of swirling burbly black teeth rot.
Posted in Japan, Latest Brutality
Tagged baltimore, coffee, data entry, GM, good housekeeping, google, hotmail, iron man, kfc, needs, Ordinary People, pc, semi-conductors, starbucks, the brutal times
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Ola! Cuba Is Mucho Zesty!
By Brad Bremner, (Special to the Brutal Times) Cuba, VERADERO –
Someone just fucking shoot me. Seriously, I got wasted on mojitos* and passed out in the sun. (* Cuban beverage containing vitamin A, B12, and powerful intoxicants and properties to enlarge feet and buttocks).
Now I’m lying here basted in fifty dollar sunburn lotion by the bar and I’m just going to stay pissed until either I fuckin’ die or the nightmare ends. They really should warn you about those goddamned minty drinks, don’t you think?
Posted in Ordinary People
Tagged Backpackers, commie, cuba, havana, holidays, pool, raspberry beret, ringo starr, scooters, the brutal times, vacation, zesty
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Gore Warns Celebrities Over Lack of Headroom
By Barry Hussein, HOUSTON – Nobel prize-winning man Al Gore met with concerned celebrities this morning at Denny’s to discuss the nation’s largest decline of headroom since the 1930’s.
Celebrities, Gore says need headroom more than most because their heads are proven to be more inflated than nobodies, or typical consumers.
“We have to act now,” Gore said.
Posted in Thinking Man's Rock
Tagged 50 Cent, al gore, avril lavigne, barry hussein, brad pitt, britney spears, calypso, celebrities, condoleeza rice, crisis, dennys, facebook, headroom, hollywood, houston, nobel prize, obama, the brutal times
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Seafaring: An Exploration of All Things Nautical
By Bertie Rusenstrom, (Special to The Brutal Times), TORONTO – As a young girl growing up in central Saskatchewan, the ocean has always held a fascination for me. Indeed, I felt my heart strings stretched to breaking each time I managed to catch a brief image of a curling surf in the wall of televisions in my father’s occult bookstore.
Posted in Hollywood Pap, Latest Brutality
Tagged all things nautical, calgary, Canaduh, donuts, fish n chips, la donut, ocean, saskatchewan, seafaring, the brutal times, toronto, unsafe bodies of water
2 Comments