the brutal times

Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO- As you know, hipsters of all shapes and sizes travel all over the world every year lugging their Canadian flag backpacks to and fro. Some of these so-called “backpackers” wind up on the highly-acidified streets of Shimokitazawa, a little ol’ town in Tokyo, I purchased from an ancient Japanese [...]

Canaduh

By Marshall Stack, TORONTO-
The Canadian spring is now nearing lateness, and all about is green with life. Squirrels are screaming in the trees as raccoons shuffle earthward to defecate.
Life is chocolate with joy and driving chocolate cars and wearing chocolate underpants. Torontonians are alive, and moving about in a post-hibernational frenzy in the wake of [...]

Ordinary People

By Lucille Hutchinson, INDIANA - Recently I’ve been biting off more than I can chew. I mean, what with my husband Dan so tied up with work and my sister Beth’s invitations to her chorus concerts, I hardly have any extra time left over for myself. After working five days a week as a marketing [...]

Health Watch

(Brutal Times Health Watch by Doctor Wayne McGillicutty) You may have foolishly thought that major operations like transplants were best left to surgeons in hospitals, but one Toronto area man is seeking to change all that.
“The myth that organ transplant is a procedure best left to “professionals” is one I’ve made [...]

The Craptangle

Presidential Daily Brief

Mr Obama, who is running to be the first black US president, will wear a blue tie.
Mr McCain, who is running to be the oldest white US president, will wear a red tie.
Perhaps as a way of toying with his campaign’s critics, Mr Obama will appear as a 47-year-old black man, which is expected by [...]

Thinking Man's Rock

By Styles Cradgerock, LONDON- Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney’s new musical project was unveiled to stunned shoppers strolling the streets of London’s trendy Piccadilly Circus Thursday as the bearded bassist growled and glared his way through a seventeen minute set of songs form his new CD “Ringo’s Next”. He was backed up by his brand [...]

Schadenfruede

Business Jesus (Special to the Brutal Times) - With changing weather patterns, unstable leadership in the Middle East, and a global hipster population that would rather play Nintendo than put their noses to the collective grindstone and innovate their way out of the current economic crisis the way their forefathers and mothers did, [...]